I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize