My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to fling myself into the sun
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
