these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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