Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
