I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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