its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
