I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
