I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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