They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
