worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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