I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize