She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize