I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
