If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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