shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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