kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
