I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
