i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
