Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
