The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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