when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
