just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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