dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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