I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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