my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
