I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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