yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found your dick twin last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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