me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
