listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
