Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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