I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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