Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
