dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
