Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
