new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
