I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
