Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
