The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this will be a night to untag.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
