Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
