Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
