apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
