My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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