He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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