You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Success! We fucked roommates!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
