hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
