I smell stomach acid.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
