Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
