we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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