He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
