capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
