After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think a kid would responsible me up
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
