Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
