Umm I'm too high to move.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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