Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
