why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
