Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
