You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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