Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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