You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
