Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
