Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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