You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
50% drunk capacity currently
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize