I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
