then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize