You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
