They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
one might say we're banned from that church
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
