Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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