'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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