You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
