Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
