I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
