this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
