It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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