Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
