this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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