remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
