I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
