Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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