in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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