Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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